YOU CAN'T HELP LAUGHIN' CAN YER?
(Lawrence / Carter 1913)

as recorded by Harry Champion
1913


I was told I had a funny face,
So I gave notice at me place,
Thought I'd go upon the stage,
Then I'd earn a decent wage!
I sang a song called "Boiled Beef And Carrots"
And "Take Your Umbrella with You John";
With a funny suit o' clothes
And an old red nose,
As soon as I come on -

You can't help laughin', can yer?
Don't it make you laugh, not 'arf!
I was a pot man at the pub,
Got four bob a week and all me grub!
I worked hard
Down at The Old Brittania,
Now I'm gettin' eighty quid a week for doin' this,
Well, you can't help laughin', can yer?

One fine night you toddle to a show,
Inside a picture palace, oh!
Right in front there's some young spark,
With his girl, and what a laugh!
In the dark she starts a- kissin' 'im,
It stops the circulation of your blood;
She makes a funny row
Like an old moo cow
That's stuck fast in the mud!

You can't help laughin', can yer?
Don't it make you laugh, not 'arf!
He kisses 'er and calls 'er his darling Flo,
Bites on 'er face and she says "Oh!"
As they're comin' out,
Don't it fair unman yer,
It's your old woman with a tripe shop man,
Well, you can't help laughin', can yer?

Perhaps you think of goin' for a day
Down to a place called Pegwell Bay.
Put your togs on nice and trim 
While you go and 'ave a swim.
In the water you feel funny
When the kippers come and nibble at your toes,
But don't you give a shout
When the tide goes out
And takes away yer clothes!

You can't help laughin', can yer?
Don't it make you laugh, not 'arf!
You look like Adam, you're nice and cool,
Then comes along a young ladies' school.
They pass by,
The sun comes out to tan yer,
But you have to rush back in the water again,
Well, you can't help laughin', can you?

Now in a runnin' race, Jack Jones and I,
The wind backed up, I thought I'd die!
I had on fine costume,
Rather large and lots o' room.
My poor rival began to giggle
Then he tumbled down a wallop on the track.
I didn't pick him up
But I won the cup,
Then shouted to 'im, "Jack!"

You can't help laughin', can yer?
Don't it make you laugh, not 'arf!
When you was a-laughin' around your face,
I did a sprint and won that race!
It's all through, 
The pants in which I ran yer,
They belong to my old woman that I wore that day,
Well, you can't help laughin', can yer?

You can't help laughin', can yer?
Don't it make you laugh, not 'arf!
I was a potman at the pub,
Got four bob a week and all me grub!
I worked hard
Down at The Old Brittania,
Now I'm gettin' eighty quid a week for doin' this,
Well, you can't help laughin', can yer?




(Transcribed by Peter Akers - April 2018)