PIDDLING PETE
(aka "THE RUNT", "REX, THE PIDDLING PUP" & "THE DIABETIC DOG")
(Author Uncertain - Possibly Eugene Field)
Leslie Sarony - c.1930
Fiddler Beers - 1959
Frank Lynn - 1961
Fivepenny Piece - 1977
Also recorded by:
Gordon Lightfoot; Warren Fahey; Waddie Mitchell; Pat McCrossan.
As performed by LESLIE SARONY:
A famous dog once came to town, known to his friends as Pete
His pedigree was ten yards long, his looks were hard to beat
And as he trotted down the road, 'twas beautiful to see
His work at every corner, every post and every tree
He never missed a land mark, he never missed a post
For piddling was his masterpiece and piddling pleased him most
The city dogs stood looking on in deep and jealous rage
To see this little country dog, the piddler of his age
They smelt his efforts one by one, they smelt him two by two
But noble Pete, in high disdain, stood still 'til they were through
Then when they'd smelt him everywhere, the praise for him ran high
But when one smelt him underneath, Pete piddled in his eye
Just then to show these city dogs he didn't care a damn
He strolled into the grocers shop and piddled on the ham
He piddled on the cornflakes he piddled on the floor
And when the grocer threw him out, he piddled up the door
Behind him all the city dogs debated what to do
They'd hold a piddling carnival, the hoop they'd put him through
They showed him all the piddling posts they knew about the town
And off they set with many a wink to wear the stranger down
But Pete was with them all the way, with vigour and with vim
A thousand piddles more or less were all the same to him
And on and on went noble Pete, as tireless as a windmill
And very soon those city dogs were piddled to a standstill
Then Pete an exhibition gave of all the ways to piddle
With double drips and fancy flips, and now and then a dribble
The city dogs said, "Farewell Pete, your piddling did defeat us"
But no one ever put them wise that Pete had diabetes
********************
As performed by THE FIVEPENNY PIECE
to the tune of "Ghost Riders In The Sky":
A famous dog once came to town whose christian name was Pete
His pedigree was three foot long and his looks were hard to beat
And as he sauntered down, 'twas beautiful to see
His work on every corner, his work on every tree
He watered every gateway, he watered every post
For piddling was his masterpiece, yes, piddling was his boast
The city dogs stood looking on in deep and jealous rage
To see this simple country dog, the piddler of the age
Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete
His work on every corner, his work on every tree
They sniffed him over one by one, they smelled him two by two
But noble Pete in high disdain stood still till they were through
They sniffed him over once again, their praise for him was high
But when one sniffed him underneath, Pete piddled in his eye
Then just to show the other dogs he didn't give a damn
He sauntered into Crotty's and piddled on their ham
He piddled on the onions, he piddled on the floor
And when our Eddie kicked him out, he whoopsied on the door
Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete
His work on every corner, his work on every tree
Behind him all the city dogs debated what to do
So they had a piddling carnival to see the stranger through
They showed him all the piddling posts they knew around the town
And started out with many a wink to wear our hero down
Pete was with 'em every time, with vigor and with vim
A thousand piddles more or less were just the same to him
All along went noble Pete with hind leg kicking high
Most were lifting legs in bluff or piddling mighty dry
Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete
His work on every corner, his work on every tree
On and on went noble Pete, he watered every sandhill
Till all the city piddling champs were piddled to a standstill
Then Pete an exhibition gave on all the ways to piddle
Like little drips and double drops and then the fancy dribble
And all this time the country dog did neither wink nor grin
Gayly piddled out of town as he had piddled in
The city dogs said, "So long, Champ, you're piddling got us beat"
And they have never seen the like of good old Piddling Pete
Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete
His work on every corner, his work on every tree
And they have never seen the like of good old Piddling Pete!
********************
ALTERNATE VERSION: "REX, THE DIABETIC DOG"
A farmer's dog came into town, his christian name was Runt
A noble pedigree had he, noblesse oblige his stunt
And as he trotted down the street, 'twas beautiful to see
His work at every corner and his work at every tree
He watered every gateway, too, and never missed a post
For piddling was his specialty and piddling was his boast
They city curs looked on amazed with deep and jealous rage
To see a simple country dog, the piddler of the age
Then all the dogs from everywhere were summoned by a yell
To sniff the country stranger o'er and judge him by his smell
Some thought that he a king might be, beneath his tail a rose
So every city dog drew nigh and sniffed it up his nose
They smelled him over one by one, they smelled him two by two
And noble Runt, in high disdain, stood still 'til they were through
Then just to show the whole shebang he didn't care a dam'
He trotted to a grocery store and piddled on a ham
He piddled in a mackerel keg, he piddled on the floor
And when the grocer kicked him out, he piddled through the door
Behind him all the city dogs lined up with instinct true
To start a piddling carnival and see the stranger through
They showed him every piddling post they had in all the town
And started in, with many a wink, to pee the stranger down
They sent for champion piddlers who were always on the go
Who sometimes did a piddling stunt or gave a piddling show
They sprung these on him suddenly when midway in the town
Runt only smiled and polished off the ablest, white and brown
For Runt was with them every trick, with vigor and with vim
A thousand piddlers more or less were all the same to him
So he was wetting merrily with hind legs kicking high
When most were hoisting legs in bluff and piddling mighty dry
Then on and on Runt sought new grounds, by piles of scrap and rust
'Til every city dog went dry and only piddled dust
But ever on went noble Runt, as wet as any rill
And all the champion city pups were peed to a standstill
Then Runt did freehand piddling with fancy flirts and frills
Like "double drip" and "gimlet twist" and all those graceful things
And all the time this country dog did never wink nor grin
But piddled blithely out of town as he had piddled in
The city dogs a convention held to ask, "What did defeat us?"
But no one ever put them wise that Runt had diabetes!
********************
ALTERNATE AUSTRALIAN VERSION:
Piddling Pete, a disreputable breed of a hound
Accompanied his Master everywhere about town
To social events and gatherings, or just paying the rent
Piddling Pete marked the way with his very own scent
At every post, pillar or street poles
Pete never missed anything in the evening strolls
When the master stopped to bid the time of day
Pete cut short the talk, by giving a spray
Peak hour crowds Pete liked the best
The busy intersections, he had more legs to wet
Sometimes Pete caused quite a riot
Stocking legs Pete just had to try it
Sometimes Master went for a drive in his car
Mostly to out of the way hotel bars
Pete had a whale of a time, on tree and tyre
Plus one old lady, who thought her leg was on fire
Most ladies though, found Pete rather cute
Until they found, he was a piddling brute
Showed his affection by wagging his tail
They became victims of his scented trail
On the beach, sunbakers were Pete�s delight
He could christen their heads and dash out of sight
Master ignored that, Pete belonged
With a far away gaze, when Pete was wrong
When Pete accompanied Master to the local dog show
Where pooches and poodles where all in toe
Pete gained the canines attention by sitting up to beg
Then calmly got them on side, before cocking his leg
He reduced opposition by spoiling their coats
Pete always liked to be first past the post
These pampered pooches had something to fear
When Pete cocked his leg to aim his spraying gear
The paper reader, on benches in parks
Were mostly Pete�s victims to play his larks
Being rudely interrupted, by the feel of damp
When Pete went into action, on the leg of their pants
Pete was friendly with neighbourhood cats
Being playful without getting scratched
They played with Pete without fear
All finished up with pee in their ear
Pete had an enemy, the old lady next door
Caught Pete spraying her flowers, and got sore
She tanned Pete�s rear with a branch of wattle
Each morning Pete baptised her milk bottles
Pete became a hero of his end of the street
Was mentioned in �Dog of the Week�
By stopping a hold-up at the local store
While peeing on feet on a slippery floor
(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - March 2018)
