HOME WAS NEVER LIKE THIS
(Words by A. Seymour Brown / Music by Albert Gumble, 1915)


Hiram was a farmer from way up the state He came to the city and
thought it was great. He brought his bank-roll and his best Sunday
suit, And when he doll'd all up, Oh! he was cute! Hiram met a
stranger, one night on Broadway And of course she took him in to
a cafe; People dancing there; Hiram said, "I declare! That's my
middle, ding bust it!"

Hiram said, "I'm out just to have a good time, I don't care for
money so "zip" goes a dime! I'll send a wire up home and tell them
right now, If you are short of change why just sell a cow!" Ev'ry
time the music would give him a chance, Hiram grab'd a chicken
and started to dance. He'd yell "This is great!" I'll learn to
hesitate, If I break a leg, by golly!"

Come on and dance with me, Come on and dance with me, I feel as
young as a boy! I want to learn each gol darn step that they do
Teach me ev'ry one that is new! I want to learn the whirls, Dance
with the pretty girls, Don't mind the steps that I miss; (Spoken) I'll
get it! Here's where I'm going to stay, I'll give the farm away,
Home was never like this!