ARCHIBALD, CERTAINLY NOT
(John L St John / Alfred Glover 1909)

as recorded by George Robey
1911


There's no use me denying facts,
I'm henpecked you can see!
'Twas on my wedding morn my wife
Commenced to peck at me!
The wedding breakfast over,
I said, "Let's start off today upon our honeymoon",
But she said, "What, waste time that way?"

Archibald, certainly not!
Get back to work at once now, on the spot!
When single, we could waste time spooning,
But lose work now for honeymooning?
Archibald, certainly not!

I'm awfully fond of hunting,
I've hunted with the hounds,
I've hunted too without them,
But it cost me several pounds!
I can't afford to hunt now
That I'm married, but one day
She said to me when I asked her
If cricket I might play.

Archibald, certainly not!
About this cricket game I've read a lot!
I heard last time you played at Dover,
You went and bowled a maiden over,
So Archibald, certainly not!

(banter)

A Lady named Miss Hewitt
Got on friendly terms with me,
She fell in love with me at once
And then fell in the sea!
My wife arrived upon the scene
As I threw coat and vest aside,
But when other garments I pulled off
To save the girl, she cried,

Archibald, certainly not!
Desist at once disrobing on the spot!
You may show your pluck and save Miss Hewitt,
But if you've got to strip to do it,
Archibald, certainly not!




(Transcribed by Peter Akers - June 2020)