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THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (Rick Moranis / Dave Thomas) Bob & Doug McKenzie (B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus) B: OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do. D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part. B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..um...your true love for Christmas. D: Look out the window! B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!? D: Snow, hosehead! B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's Christmastime. Hey, hoser! D: What? B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug... D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on. B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause, figure it out, right? Christmas is when? D: Um, the twenty-fifth... B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So.. D: That's two B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day D: Wrestling Day B: Wrestl..get out! D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah. B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'! D: New Year's! B: Four and what's... D: New Year's Eve? B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve? D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So, that's nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days. (Music starts) B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas. D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck! (organ starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ. B: Oh, geez. D: You start... B: OK... On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, A beer. D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Two turtle-necks B: And a beer. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Three French toast D: Two turtle-necks B: And a beer. D: There should be more there, eh? B: Where? Oh, go! D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Four pounds of back-bacon B: Three French toast D: Two turtle-necks B: And a beer. D: ...in a tree. See, you need more. B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Five golden tooks, D: Four pound of back-bacon B: Three French toast D: Two turtle necks B: And a beer...where? D: (with Bob) In a tree. B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go! D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me, C: Six... D: Six packs of two-four B & C: Five golden tooks C: Four... D: Four pounds of back-bacon C: Three... B: Three French toast C: Two... D: Two turtle-necks C: And a beeeeeeeeer... B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Seven pack of smokes, C: Nice gift! D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four B & C: Five golden tooks. C: Four... D: Four pounds of back-bacon C: Three... B: Three French toast C: Two... D: Two turtle-necks C: And a beeeeeeeeer... B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting. D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! Go, hoser. B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me, D: Eight comic books (Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind) B & D: Seven packs of smokes Six pack of two-four B: Five... C: (catches up) Five golden tooks Four pounds of back-bacon Three French toast Two turtle-necks ALL: And a beer... B & D: On my tree. B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um... C: TWELVE! B: Twelve! D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve.. (Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in) ALL: Five golden tooks Four pounds of back-bacon, Three French toast Two turtle-necks And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! D: Where'd you learn to do that? B: Um, albums. D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas... B: Merry Christmas! D: And good day! B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too. D: Shhh! B: OK, you know what you left out? D: What? B: Donuts! D: Oh, no! B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts! D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody! B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts... D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents! B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"! D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw! B: Take off! (As music fades:) D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me. B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven". D: What? (Contributed by Andy & Mogg - April 2002)

    


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